Sometimes I get really sad for no reason–or at least no good reason. Sometimes I cry…a lot. Sometimes even though it seems I should be very happy-I’m not. Sometimes it feels like something is missing but I don’t know what it is. Sometimes when everything is going right-it still feels wrong. And many times, I wonder-am I the only one feeling this way?
Living in NYC is nothing like I thought it would be-and yet it’s everything I thought it would be and more–does anyone else know what I’m talking about?
I often stare at people on the subway and wonder what they do for living, where they’re going, where they’ve been, are they doing what they want to be doing, are they satisfied in their life, etc. etc. But these days, what I’ve really found myself wondering is what those same people think of me. What image do I portray? Do I look happy? Successful? Smart? Confident? Am I all these things? Depends which day you ask me…
The problem with this city is that I think it may be impossible to be satisfied when you are always faced with the opportunity to be more, do more and have more. Some days this can be a blessing, and other days it can be a curse. Some days I feel so proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished and other days I feel I have miles to go. I was never one of those people who couldn’t be satisfied–in fact I would have to say I was quite the opposite. I used to lead a very content life-and I was just waiting tables and killing time! Now, I have a career, an apartment in the most expensive and desirable city in the world, a real life for myself. Like I said, some days I’m proud-others I wonder why I don’t have just a little more.
Lately I’ve completely morphed into that person that I guess I always secretly admired, that person that pushed the limits and always wanted more. I think now that I’ve seen what there is to be had out there–and I’m not talking money here, I’m talking experiences, places to go and people to meet–I want it all.
Today the sun was shining–in every way it can. Today I woke up feeling blessed to live here, I ate lunch at Bryant Park knowing how many people in this world will never experience that simple pleasure…today I didn’t cry…but yesterday I did…