Life: The unedited version…

Why haven’t I written for literally months? Why do perfectly blog-worthy experiences come and go without a word typed? What’s my excuse? What’s my deal?

Well a) I’m busy b) I have been deferring to my “private” blog AKA my little notebook of thoughts that I use to express the things I don’t quite feel comfortable dumping here c) busy again d) lazy (yeah…it’s true)
I’m back with a vengeance though and probably a very lengthy ramble of thoughts, observations and general rant to the blogosphere…
How come some days I feel really proud of my life accomplishments and where I am (location-wise and “metaphorically”) and other days I find myself lying awake in a panic thinking I’ve gotten it all wrong. Like wrong career, wrong city, wrong everything! How come I am constantly in a love/hate/really hate/really love relationship with this gosh darned city!
Exhibit A: Today at approximately 6:44 pm I was nearly killed. No really, I escaped death by a really narrow margin and somehow brushed it off until writing this post. I was crossing 34th street at Herald square, AKA, the busiest intersection in NYC, if not the world, in the pouring rain with a giant umbrella, a mob of other people with their giant umbrellas AND a giant bus obstructing my view of the crosswalk light when I stupidly followed the crowd in front of me and began to cross. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I was literally thisclose to be mowed down by not one, but TWO cross-town buses only to make it past those and literally have to stop a car WITH MY HAND illegally turning INTO ME! Sorry for all the ridiculous punctuation but for real! So anyway, I lived to tell the tale AND I made the M-16 bus as a result of my ridiculous “misjudgment” of the traffic. (Mom, I know if you’re reading this you are probably freaking out by my carelessness but don’t worry – lesson learned!) Once I got on the bus BTW, it was SO packed with angry, wet, crazy, oversized-umbrella-yielding New Yorkers that I just had to laugh. Why are NY’ers SO uptight?? And why am I becoming uptight after 25 plus years of being the most carefree person ever. Yikes!
Exhibit B: Spent this past weekend in Newport, RI, my “happy place” and was quickly telaported back to a time when life was easy all the time. It’s weird because when I lived there I WAS happy but I was also searching for something else, something more, something I was SURE was in NYC…now, I’m not so sure…
Exhibit C: After getting my tooth-pulled a few days ago I was craving one thing and one thing only – A Wendy’s Frosty! After a long day at work, I decided to reward myself with a quick late-afternoon trip to Wendy’s (the one across from the Empire State Building and riddled with tourists, homeless people and other assorted characters…). Well, there I am waiting patiently on line A when the register in front of me opens up and I place my order of “One Medium FROS–“YO MISS, WHAT THE {EXPLETIVE DELETED}! I’M NEXT!” I am then pushed aside and crazy man from Line B starts rattling off his long and random order to the shocked clerk with the facial piercings. The best part was how I looked back at the line for moral support and no one even looked at me. Long story short, I held back my tears, got my frosty and got the heck out of there!
OK, I realize my three exhibits didn’t exactly exhibit much other than my randomness and slight craziness but my point was that living in NYC on a day-to-day basis can be amazing, inspiring, career-changing, etc. but it can also be scary, overwhelming and stifling. So I ask myself, do I want the ocean, the no-worries, the simple life or do I want the lights, the sirens, the ladder climbing, the “dream?” It really depends which day you ask me!

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