Where I’m At These Days…

Judging by the responses from my fellow MOQs (moms of quarantine), I am not alone in my yearning for some alone time, my mega-anxiety, my need for some personal space, and quite frankly – my feelings of being thisclose to completely losing my sh*t!

I’ve had my good days and my bad days. I’ve tried to start every day with a positive attitude. A list in my journal of three things I’m grateful for (one of which is usually coffee) and a list of things I’m looking forward to that day – however minute they may be these days. I try to remind myself how lucky I am to be home safe and sound with my kiddos and to all be healthy. And some mornings I walk out of my room and the sun is shining and the kids are happy and the coffee is hot and strong and all is well in the world. We go for a morning walk, I get my work done and then play in the yard with my angelic children before my husband grills us a delicious dinner, which everyone eats of course. The kids take their baths and go to bed no problem. And I pour myself a drink and watch something scandalous on Netflix. Ahh the perfect quarantine day…

But other days, I walk out of my room, my eyes burning with tiredness already, my allergies acting up (is it corona or is it allergies is a fun game I like to play these days…) the kids are SCREAMING, CRYING and generally just refusing to cooperate with my need for a slow, leisurely morning. It’s raining or Leo’s clothes are “too bunchy” so there’s no morning walk. I have work to do but so does Frank, yet neither of us are accomplishing anything because one kid is constantly hungry, crying, tired or just needing our undivided attention. Dinner seems like a monumental task so I make the kids mac and cheese or grilled cheese and Frank and I eat some version of random leftovers, cereal or the remnants of their dinner. I’m so exhausted by the time they go to bed that I basically crawl into bed and fall asleep with my iPad on – only to be woken up a few hours later by a crying baby…

I’m trying to give myself some grace, while also reminding myself that this too shall pass. This stage of them being young and needing so much attention will be short in the grand scheme of things, and like so many other phases, I’ll miss it when it’s gone (or so they say!). This stage of life is hard enough, let alone to do it with no daycare, no babysitters, no playgrounds, no playdates, and little room to escape. There’s no playbook for surviving the infant and toddler years, let alone during a quarantine! We’re all doing the best we can and hopefully we’ll come out on the other side with at least a few good memories and a greater appreciation for the simple pleasures in life that we once took for granted.

Personally, I’m looking forward to fully embracing all the newfound interests I’ve picked up during quarantine. Raised bed vegetable gardens? Sure, let me get my gardening tools and get right on it! Becoming a master mixologist? Let me just get out my cocktail shaker…

With any luck, I’ll look back on “Quarantine 2020” and instead of remembering the fear, anxiety and upheaval of “normal, everyday” life, I’ll remember that I was home safe tucking my kids into bed every night. I’ll remember all the bike rides, the games of “I Spy” and the evening “jammie walks,” the endless games of Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders and Monkeys On The Bed, and all the new rituals we began to get us through these uncertain times. I’ll remember how Lyla started crawling and babbling and likely will take her first steps soon, and how we were there to cheer her on and enjoy these milestones as a family. I’ll remember how we threw “screen time rules” out the window, and how much Leo enjoyed watching old Disney movies with us, and how Lyla laughed out loud watching nursery rhymes on YouTube while we all sang along (Her personal favorite – Dr. Knickerbocker).

Some days I desperately need a break and wish for more free time, more personal space and some damn peace and quiet, but the truth is, the days of them needing me this much are numbered. This is time I won’t ever get back. Each night when I rock Lyla to sleep I feel her getting bigger and outgrowing her perfect little spot on my shoulder just a little more. Leo is getting taller and leaner and smarter and sassier and is no longer a toddler.

This is a crazy time for all of us, but I know I’m incredibly lucky. I’m healthy and my family’s healthy and that’s all that matters right now.

I’d love to hear how you’re all surviving these days, so please leave me a comment or write me a message if you’d like to share (or commiserate!). 




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