Everything Happens for a Reason…

This title is courtesy of my Sigma Kappa days which are now almost 10 years in the past. It was one of the cliche phrases repeated to us over and over again during pledging. Even though it’s pretty cheesy I’ve always kinda thought it was true (and hey, I’m kinda cheesy myself) and have said it to myself hundreds of times when dealing with bumps in the road.

Lately I’ve been having my annual (OK, monthly) “where am I going? what am I doing? am I living the life I’m supposed to be?” freakout and I’m sure a few people around me (sorry FF) noticed. I’m sure it’s the approaching 3-0, or maybe just the Newport nostalgia I feel ever spring when the weather turns nice and I can no longer go for a walk on the Cliff Walk or for a Astro Bomb at Johnny’s. (For those of you who don’t know about Johnny’s Atlantic Beach Club – read my one of my favorite old columns here!)
Anyway…this week I was lucky enough to attend the 140 conference hosted by Jeff Pulver. The conference was a 2-day event that focused on the power of now. What the heck is that you ask? Well as it turns out, it was exactly the inspiration and reminder I needed that:
1) I can do anything at anytime, it’s never too late
2) I love what I do now
3) I can always do more, do something different, go somewhere else, nothing is impossible!
There were many amazing speakers, some you’ve obviously heard of like Ann Curry (swoon!), Mayor Corey Booker, Dennis Crowley (co-founder of Foursquare for all my non-social media friends) and then there were some you definitely haven’t heard of, which is what I thought was so cool. Some were completely and utterly random and even a little eccentric but they were all inspiring and shared a common trait of passion and drive. Most wanted to accomplish something and did, in most instances more than they ever dreamed. All of them used social media in some way to achieve their big things and it was pretty rad to feel their energy and hear their stories. A few sound bytes from the day really struck a cord with me, which brings me to my title, “everything happens for a reason.” I think I was meant to be there and here those things and be re-inspired and reminded that I can still do it all, make my mark and conquer the world. Perhaps most importantly, I was reminded of something that is extremely easy to lose sight of, especially living in Manhattan.

Money can’t buy happiness….

We’ve all heard this a million times but I will be the first to admit, I don’t “buy it” for a minute. I can almost guarantee I’d be happier if I had more money. If I had more money I could travel the world which I KNOW would bring me happiness. If I had more money, I would help family members and loved one do the things they can’t afford to do, and if I had more more money, I’d hire a personal trainer, buy a boat and buy my first pair of Christian Loubotins (OK these are the totally superficial and selfish ones, but still…I would!)
After hearing a lot of people tell their stories of how they chased their dreams and never once did it for the money, it reminded me of something my small-town heart already knew deep down, but that I may have temporarily lost sight of. That thing is: people in this city often put too much weight into the pursuit of material wealth. How can you not in the most expensive city in the world I guess? It’s often all about where you live, what you wear, even where you eat and drink but it’s rarely about what you’ve done and what you believe and who you are. It’s good to be reminded of the things that matter and also to be reassured that yes, it is possible to be successful and happy and NOT rich…although often times if you stick to what you know and love, you just might get rich doing it…someday.
OK enough preaching – goodnight NYC – I still love you, I just have to be reminded every once in a while that the size of my apartment doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things!

Sunday night somethings…

The big 3-0 is getting closer and my mind is racing! So many things to start doing and stop doing and focus on and not worry about and places to see and people to meet – oh my!

Some random summer focuses…
1) Run, run, run – and get new running shoes from The Super Runners Shop where they let you run around for them and then they tell you the best shoes for your stride – however awkward and “Phoebe-like” it may be (Friends reference number 4,864…)
2) Take advantage of the coveted rooftop deck of my apartment building – anyone want to join me for sunset cocktails? (weather permitting!)
3) Beef up my international travel fund (so I can stop spending so much time loitering in the Travel section of Barnes and Noble living vicariously through Frommers and Lonely Planet…)
4) Decide where I should live for the rest of my life (or at least for the “early thirties – no kids” chapter of my life…)
Oh, and in honor of the Tony Awards that I am watching LIVE while writing this (from the Beacon Theatre a few blocks away) I’ll add “see more Broadway Shows!” to this list too… 🙂

Pondering life from 30,000 feet…

Currently en route back to NYC from Lala land… Had a great few days in LA with coworkers and a great meeting with a new client. Sitting at an outdoor cafe a few hours before boarding my flight back to the concrete jungle I had yet another epiphany about life. NYC is NOT the place for me. This time I mean it! I am beach person – always have been, always will be. I instantly feel better just knowing that the ocean is nearby…and when I can SEE it and SMELL it and FEEL it – I feel 100% at home. I guess techincally NYC is an island and the ocean is nearby, but dirt doesn’t count as sand and for some reason there is no “ocean breeze” to be found…

When I think back on my years living by the beach in Narragansett, RI, Newport, RI and then again in Long Beach, NY – I realize I was A LOT more relaxed and “chill” and “easy-going”…

These words used to describe me but now I am just another nervous-nellie (as Carrie Kerpen my lovely boss calls me), high-strung, uptight, stressed out, negative-Nancy NY’er. Not cool 😦

Yes, I moved to NYC to focus on my career, dream big, live the NYC life and expeience it all while I was young and uninhibited. But now I’m not so young, not so unihibited and fully aware that I can HAVE an amazing job and DO an amazing job from anywhere (well maybe not anywhere, but definitely from somewhere other than NYC…like say a beach town in Cali, New England or elsewhere…)

Will I feel this way tomorrow? Who knows… When I wake up tomorrow morning to the bustling scene of a NYC spring morning on the Upper West side and go get my morning coffee and bagel from Zabar’s will I still feel like I need to immediately move to a beach town and chill down my lifestyle? Not sure… But for today – I have decided, in the words of the great Ray LaMontagne – “Gotta get out of New York City…New York City’s killing me…”

life on the bus…

More and more of my blog posts lately are either A) about riding the bus or B) mentally written while ON the bus. What can I say, riding the bus brings a whole new element to my life!

Tonight I worked late and took the cross town bus home at 10pm. I started walking but then saw the glorious lights of the bus coming my way and couldn’t resist its appeal after a long day at the office, two slices of peperoni pizza and a big gulp sized Coors Light (thank you for existing Pronto Pizza). Anywhere else in the world, 10pm on a Monday is probably a pretty quiet time, but not in NYC! Sometimes you really lose all sense of time and “normal” business hours living here…the bus was full of people in office attire or with shopping bags and if it wasn’t dark out, you’d think it was 5pm by the energy and buzz in the air. It *almost” makes working until 10pm bearable when you realize that everyone else in this city is working too much, sleeping too little and generally living a lifestyle that by any other standards would be considered “nuts.” (For example, Buffalo, where the bf lives, and the land of a 5pm dinner time and a 9pm bedtime!)
One final fun bus story. A few nights ago after yet another sprint to catch a pulling away bus, I did that awkward “running in heels with my oversized purse” things that girls do and that generally looks ridiculous and probably doesn’t actually get you there faster than walking…anyway, long story short, I made the bus and just as I was swiping my card and the doors were closing, a guy popped his head into the bus nearly getting decapitated by the door to say “hey great run, that was impressive doll.” You just can’t make this stuff up folks!

Life: The unedited version…

Why haven’t I written for literally months? Why do perfectly blog-worthy experiences come and go without a word typed? What’s my excuse? What’s my deal?

Well a) I’m busy b) I have been deferring to my “private” blog AKA my little notebook of thoughts that I use to express the things I don’t quite feel comfortable dumping here c) busy again d) lazy (yeah…it’s true)
I’m back with a vengeance though and probably a very lengthy ramble of thoughts, observations and general rant to the blogosphere…
How come some days I feel really proud of my life accomplishments and where I am (location-wise and “metaphorically”) and other days I find myself lying awake in a panic thinking I’ve gotten it all wrong. Like wrong career, wrong city, wrong everything! How come I am constantly in a love/hate/really hate/really love relationship with this gosh darned city!
Exhibit A: Today at approximately 6:44 pm I was nearly killed. No really, I escaped death by a really narrow margin and somehow brushed it off until writing this post. I was crossing 34th street at Herald square, AKA, the busiest intersection in NYC, if not the world, in the pouring rain with a giant umbrella, a mob of other people with their giant umbrellas AND a giant bus obstructing my view of the crosswalk light when I stupidly followed the crowd in front of me and began to cross. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I was literally thisclose to be mowed down by not one, but TWO cross-town buses only to make it past those and literally have to stop a car WITH MY HAND illegally turning INTO ME! Sorry for all the ridiculous punctuation but for real! So anyway, I lived to tell the tale AND I made the M-16 bus as a result of my ridiculous “misjudgment” of the traffic. (Mom, I know if you’re reading this you are probably freaking out by my carelessness but don’t worry – lesson learned!) Once I got on the bus BTW, it was SO packed with angry, wet, crazy, oversized-umbrella-yielding New Yorkers that I just had to laugh. Why are NY’ers SO uptight?? And why am I becoming uptight after 25 plus years of being the most carefree person ever. Yikes!
Exhibit B: Spent this past weekend in Newport, RI, my “happy place” and was quickly telaported back to a time when life was easy all the time. It’s weird because when I lived there I WAS happy but I was also searching for something else, something more, something I was SURE was in NYC…now, I’m not so sure…
Exhibit C: After getting my tooth-pulled a few days ago I was craving one thing and one thing only – A Wendy’s Frosty! After a long day at work, I decided to reward myself with a quick late-afternoon trip to Wendy’s (the one across from the Empire State Building and riddled with tourists, homeless people and other assorted characters…). Well, there I am waiting patiently on line A when the register in front of me opens up and I place my order of “One Medium FROS–“YO MISS, WHAT THE {EXPLETIVE DELETED}! I’M NEXT!” I am then pushed aside and crazy man from Line B starts rattling off his long and random order to the shocked clerk with the facial piercings. The best part was how I looked back at the line for moral support and no one even looked at me. Long story short, I held back my tears, got my frosty and got the heck out of there!
OK, I realize my three exhibits didn’t exactly exhibit much other than my randomness and slight craziness but my point was that living in NYC on a day-to-day basis can be amazing, inspiring, career-changing, etc. but it can also be scary, overwhelming and stifling. So I ask myself, do I want the ocean, the no-worries, the simple life or do I want the lights, the sirens, the ladder climbing, the “dream?” It really depends which day you ask me!